Bears, Honey, and Dad

Disclaimer: I admit that this story only very loosely ties into the dish I made because honey is involved, but I keep thinking about it and giggling, so here goes…

First, let me try to paint you a picture. Subject: My dad.

Imagine a rather large and imposing man, with long gray hair, a full beard and mustache, wearing a Harley Davidson t-shirt, Wranglers and cowboy boots. (It might help the picture to note that my mom has tried to convince him to grow his beard out long so he could play Santa Claus at the malls. Needless to say, this suggestion has fallen on deaf ears.)

To look at him, you might think he was a bit gruff. Anytime my sister or I had a boy over, my dad would just sit there, not uttering more than a very terse hello, and just generally look scary. This was taken by these boys to mean, “You’d better not mess with my daughter unless you want to answer to me.” I remember some neighborhood boys once telling me that they spent the night crank-calling classmates, but when they got to me decided against it after recalling the image of my dad.

Truth be told, this image, as much as I’m sure he liked it, couldn’t have been further from reality. Now I don’t doubt that my dad could lay some hurt down if and when he wanted to, but these boys should have been more scared of my mom. All five feet of her could strike some fear into me…Dad was the one you ran to when you got in trouble with Mom.

Of course, it helped that I was (and still am) a daddy’s girl through and through. We couldn’t stand to be mad at each other, and many times when I would be sulking in my room after a fight, he would come knock on my door and say “telegram” Saturday Night Live-style over and over until I couldn’t be mad any longer and would open the door laughing. I remember thinking when I was young that if you didn’t know him you would never expect my dad to do something like that.

So while he likes to act tough, he’s the biggest softie I’ve ever known. But because of his outward appearance, sometimes the things he does and the things he says are just WAY funnier than if someone else said it. Which leads me to this example…

Not too long ago I heard my dad saying (while he thought I was out of earshot) that he was realizing he had to be careful what he said around me, lest it become topic for my blog.

Imagine my glee when this happened:

I was over at my parent’s house and my dad and I were cooking. I don’t remember what we were making, but I was using the honey. (My dad gets this honey from a friend up in the mountains somewhere, and it is some of the best honey I’ve ever had. It also happens to come in the standard bear-shaped bottle, which is very important to this story.) So after squeezing out what I needed, I flipped the bottle over and apparently let a stream of honey dribble down the side of the bear. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard my dad say, in a horrified and disgusted tone, “You’re getting my bear all messy!” Now if only I could have recorded it, you would fully understand how hilarious it sounded; my big “scary” dad was all worked up about his honey bear. His voice sounded like Napoleon Dynamite had suddenly inhabited his body and was all kinds of pissed about this honey bear getting sticky. Of course, Andy, my mom, and I found this way too funny and could bearly (ha ha) stifle our laughter. We immediately began mimicking Napoleon/Dad. As he wiped off his bear, I’m sure he was cussing all of us out in his head. Good times, huh Dad?

As promised, here’s a recipe that contains honey:

Salmon Carpaccio

1 salmon filet, very thinly sliced

vegetable oil

freshly squeezed orange juice

honey

minced garlic

grated ginger

Pernod

micro-greens

thinly sliced green onions

Arrange the salmon slices on two plates.

Heat the vegetable oil in a small saucepan and add the garlic and ginger. Cook for a minute until softened, then stir in orange juice and honey. Pour in some Pernod and light it on fire. Once the flames die out, immediately pour the heated sauce over the salmon. This will sear the salmon just the slightest bit. Top with micro-greens and green onions. (And don’t forget to wipe off your bear.)

This is a quick and easy but very pretty first-course and has a delicate flavor with hints of anise and orange. The micro-greens add a nice earthy taste.

Now here’s to hoping Dad will still talk around me…